An Unconventional Wedding Day: My Parents' Love (Part III)

My Parents’ Love

We continued the celebration by getting ready to head over to the wedding chapel. My cousin, Sierra, touched up my makeup while my cousin, Eryka, snapped lots of photos. They were also preparing to capture the ceremony on video, so we could show my mom and Segun’s parents. Although we’re cousins, we’re more like sisters. I was so grateful to have them there. 

Once we arrived at the chapel, it was nicer than I expected. Segun arranged to have our marriage at a chapel called, “Same Day Marriage.” The name scared me, but I had more important things to worry about—like the fact that I did not have my driver’s license. We were already late because of me, and we could not get married without a physical valid form of identification. It made sense, but I was freaking out. I knew my license was on the kitchen counter. I pulled it out earlier because my friends had champagne delivered, and I had to show ID. I distinctly remember thinking that I should put it back in my wallet because I’ll need it for the ceremony. I got distracted; I was so frustrated with myself. 

Segun, with his calm and collected demeanor, took my hand and reassured me that it was going to be okay. He told me I had a lot going on and not to worry at all. He made me feel better, like he always does. I also thought about whether I would extend the same grace if the roles were reversed. Absolutely not. I would have said, “Negro, you had one job.” I’ve accepted that he is just better than me. 

After sort of calming down, we had to come up with a plan. My cousin-in-law (if that’s a thing), Matt, Eryka’s husband, was willing to drive back to our apartment with the key to get the license. We had already sat in almost an hour of traffic to get to the chapel, and the traffic was not letting up. Welcome to LA, even in a pandemic. I decided to call the front desk at our apartment building to see if they would let my Uncle Eric into our apartment, so he could grab the license and bring it to the chapel. He was visiting my mom  at my parents’ house, which was only 20 minutes from the apartment. 

Unfortunately, the residential services woman, usually at the front desk, left for the day. She knows us. The woman I spoke with was not budging. Her position was reasonable, but I was thinking unreasonably. This is my wedding day! Just let my uncle into our apartment, so we can get married, please! Do you have a heart? I didn’t actually say all of this to her. My polite tone quickly turned to a stern one. I went into lawyer mode and explained how she could verify our identity and confirm that we were providing permission. I also said my uncle would confirm his identity with his ID. [There was a lot of back and forth where we each cut each other off.] The woman finally said, “My wedding day was a disaster, too. Okay.” My dad said I could have been nicer. I felt bad, but it worked.  

Uncle Eric arrived at the chapel with my license. He saved the day! I was also happy that Uncle Eric was the one to save the day. He is the youngest of the four brothers. They still treat him like the baby, never giving him enough credit. The man is in his 50s. Now, he has wedding day savior bragging rights. Segun and I finished the paperwork, and my dad and I got ready to walk down the aisle. Dad was excited to give me away. He made sure to include my mom when the officiant asked the question. 

Before walking down the aisle, I experienced a mix of emotions. The greatest emotion was joy. I thought about my mom. No matter what challenges we face, she has always taught me to seek joy and see the light in every situation. Our marriage was part of this light. I never thought I'd get married under these circumstances. I thought I would be too heartbroken to go through with a ceremony. While there is deep pain and sadness, this pain and sadness exists because there is a deep love—a deep love for my mom and a deep love between my parents. 

I’m a big Nicholas Sparks fan, yet I never thought of or wanted to witness one of his films in real life because there's always some tragedy. However, I am witnessing the Black version of The Notebook. It is hard but beautiful. My dad, who finds a lot of purpose in his work, decided to care for my mom full-time. He has become an expert in caregiving and focusing on my mom's happiness. While she is sick and temperamental at times, he still treats her with the adoration she deserves. He listens to her. He comforts her. He holds her. He feeds her. He prays with her. And it’s the way he looks at her. It is a look I have never seen him wear before. 

My dad recently said to me that this is the closest he has ever felt to mom. They’ve had a loving marriage for 37 years. The entire family admires them. I did not think they could get any closer. They share a strong love for God. They treat each other with respect; they laugh and tease each other; and they support each other's dreams. I grew up in a kind and happy home. Although they certainly fall into the opposites attract trope, my parents enjoy each other’s company and love doing life together. They only have one consistent fight: backseat driving. I’d have to play mediator when getting in the car with them. I was always so confused. Hadn’t they learned how to handle this by now? Segun noticed it, too. The whole family did. But, overall, I always thought their relationship was an anomaly. Then I met Segun. I’m not sure if Segun and I are an anomaly, too. I hope not because everyone deserves this kind of love. 

Witnessing my parents’ love and commitment this year as they faced devastating circumstances has given me perspective on marriage, a more palpable understanding of marriage—an understanding I was grateful to have before I walked down the aisle. The last four years with Segun have been relatively easy. I had not thought about the prospect of hard times. We have had some individual challenges, but it has only made us stronger as a couple. My thoughts about marriage focused on love, happiness, compatibility, and living our best life. I did not know what “in sickness and in health” truly meant. 

Although my initial thoughts about marriage are still there, I’ve realized it is much more. Marriage is about unconditional love, support, security, and commitment. I knew this in theory, but I think it was harder to comprehend before this year.  Similar to my dad’s feelings about his relationship with my mom, I feel the closest I’ve ever felt to Segun. Not only is he supporting me, but he is also supporting my family. He is my family. Yesterday, I sat on one side of my mom’s bed while Segun sat on the other. We massaged her hands as Gospel music played and I sang. She cracked a smile, which is harder for her to do now and said, “I am blessed.” I looked at Segun and thought the same thing.

When things get hard and our relationship is no longer light and easy, I will think about how my dad is supporting my mom with her fight. I will think about how my mom is fighting for her life because she does not want to leave my dad. I will think about the grace they have given each other during this time. I will think about their strong faith in God. I will think about how they leaned into love at a time that could feel dark and ugly and made it warm and graceful. With this new understanding, I said, “I do” to the love of my life.   

Dedicated to my loving Mom, Dad, & Husband